


first of all

by muffled_rap_music



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, alex is gay for the farmer, but he's just rly thirsty for alex, he's a good boy tho i swear, my farmer is so annoying i'm so sorry, sort of ig?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 06:59:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13631079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muffled_rap_music/pseuds/muffled_rap_music
Summary: “Um, so...” Alex speaks, and Gabriel thinks that there are even more beads of sweat dripping down his face than before, ”When did you decide to be gay?”Gabriel looks at him with an almost exasperated expression. “Okay, first of all,” He starts and sets down his water bottle, “I did not decide to be gay.”“Oh, right, sorry.” Alex catches himself a little too late. Gabriel’s right, that could have been worded differently. Heck, Alex sure as hell isn’t choosing to have these feelings about his best friend.





	first of all

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this in like august 2016 and literally only JUST decided to finish it tonight since i've been into stardew again and it takes up 99% of my free time when i'm not working, this is also the first time i've posted a fic since 2014 so i rly hope this is ok, any constrictive criticism would be great bc i'm pretty rusty

It is a dreadfully torrid afternoon. The sun pours down on the farm in thick rivets. The otherwise glossy, dew covered spring crops are shriveled and wilted, as their roots became parched from the arid conditions. Sweat drips off the tip of the farmer’s nose and onto the ground and is instantly soaked up by the dry, cracking soil. Gabriel frowns, not looking forward to farming in the summer with the high possibility of a drought this year. Even the rest of the townsfolk took refuge in their homes today, in hopes to find solace from the desolate heat. Save for one particular young man. 

Alex sat on the edge of Gabriel’s porch, his legs dangling over the edge, his hands behind him supporting his weight. Sweat drips down his face, his jeans are rolled up several times up to his mid calf, and his staple green varsity jacket, that he just can’t seem to leave the house without, lies abandoned on the other side of the porch. The popsicle in his mouth starts to drip down his chin, he quickly sits up and raises his hands to take the popsicle from his mouth and hold it over the ground. He is about to pull it to his mouth again to clean it off and continue enjoying the cold snack and the relief it gave him, until it slips off the stick and into the dirt with a ‘splat’.

Alex scowls. He loved summer and warm weather in general, but this was just ridiculous. He huffs and tosses the wooden stick on the other side of the porch. He’ll pick it up later, he’s too frustrated at the moment.

He averts his attention to the crops in hopes of trying to forget his frustrations, and he does, very easily.

Gabriel is absolutely drenched in sweat. His white t-shirt sticks to his skin, showing the outline of his back muscles that moved almost elegantly when he raised his arms over his head to plow the dirt. He seems to stop for a moment, turning away from the sun, facing Alex, and dropping his hoe in the dirt to lift the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat threatening to drip down his face. No longer was he the scrawny boy that moved here a year ago; his stomach was now rippled with the muscles that were strong, long beneath tan, freckled skin.

It was then that the farmer caught Alex’s stare, and Alex realized that he had probably been staring for longer than what was considered appropriate. Either Gabriel didn’t notice Alex totally eye fucking him or he was just very nice and decided to let it slide (probably the latter). Gabriel beams at him and trots towards the porch pulling off his work gloves in the process. Alex’s cheeks go red, not just because of the heat, and suddenly that melting popsicle on the ground is really interesting.

“Break time!” Gabriel exclaims plopping right next to the gridball player. “I’m parched!” He lifts the lid of the cooler that sat beside them and pulled out a disappointing, warm bottle of water. The farmer cranes his neck to lean over the cooler to see several bottles floating in water.

“Oh shoot, even my cooler isn’t working it’s so hot. Alex how can you enjoy summer? It’s too hot to do anything.” Gabriel wails, babbling on about the summer heat as he slips his muddy work boots off, rolling up the cuff of his jeans several times. “If there’s a drought this year, I swear- Alex are you listening?”

“What?” Alex blinks, looking up from the melted popsicle that was now covered in a layer of ants. “Sorry… s’too hot to think.” He says lamely.

Gabriel hums in agreement, and the two sit in comfortable silence for quite a while before the other speaks again.

“Um, so...” Alex speaks, and Gabriel thinks that there are even more beads of sweat dripping down his face than before, ”When did you decide to be gay?”

Gabriel’s touched on not being interested in women before, but only briefly. The first time was when Gabriel had complimented Abigail’s hair and earned a scowl and a sour reply that was ‘Of course you’d say that’, to which the farmer replied that he’s sorry for sounding like he was trying to make a come on, but he doesn’t ‘swing that way’. After that, the news spread across the town like wildfire. Everyone seemed to be accepting, save for Alex’s grandfather who said something under his breath when it was brought up at dinner about the farmer being a ‘pansy’.

In high school Alex was so sure he was interested in women. He could get any girl he wanted, and he did, and he loved it. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t even thrown around the ‘queer’ slur a couple times, and other homophobic slurs towards male classmates.

But then Gabriel moves here, quickly becomes his best and most trusted friend, and he happens to be gay. It makes Alex feel guilty for being so ignorant in the past, as well as a new outlook on gay people as a whole.

And now here he is, drooling over his best friend, who happens to be interested in men, and questioning his own sexuality.

Gabriel looks at him with an almost exasperated expression. “Okay, first of all,” He starts and sets down his water bottle, “I did not decide to be gay.”

“Oh, right, sorry.” Alex catches himself a little too late. Gabriel’s right, that could have been worded differently. Heck, Alex sure as hell isn’t choosing to have these feelings about his best friend. “I guess what I’m trying to ask is, when did you realize you were.” Alex tries his best to avoid Gabriel’s persistent gaze.

The farmer hums to himself in thought, trying to decipher when he realized he was himself. “… Well I think I just realized one day I was always confused when my groups of friends would bring up the topic of girls. I never really participated in it, either. It was just… boring?” He said as if it was a question. “Sometimes I’d force myself to talk about girls and how they were attractive, just to keep from being questioned or ridiculed, and it’d feel like I was lying.” Gabriel scratched the back of his head, ruffling his mussed, brown hair. “Then I realized I thought of men the way my friends talked about women.”

“Hmm…” Alex hummed in acknowledgement and understanding.

“Why do you ask?”

“Just curious.” He just barely managed to choke out.

“Alex, are you questioning your sexuality?”

Alex went still, and he felt like his heart was going to crawl out of his throat and his stomach fall out of his ass. He felt like the sky was falling; like the ground was going to open up beneath him and swallow him whole. He can’t speak.

“Alex?”

The gridball player grips the edge of the porch like a lifeline, swallowing hard. He should have never asked. Gabriel’s too perceptive. Also, why else would someone ask that if they weren’t questioning their sexuality? He made it so obvious. He’s so stupid. He’s so, so stupid.

“Alex you have to look at me.”

He won’t. He physically can’t. Alex is sure he’ll throw up.

“You know, if you’re asking because you wanted to know if you could relate to what I went through, you should know not everyone realizes it the same way.”

Alex is now trying to block him out. Gee, that bird over there is really far away, he thinks.

“I could kiss you, if you want.”

“What?” He croaks, finally turning to face the farmer. Now Alex is sure his stomach was about to fall out of his ass.

“I said I could kiss you.” Gabriel repeats, although he knows Alex heard him.

“Who… Who asks something like that?!” Gabriel. Gabriel does. No normal person asks something like that so casually, except for Gabriel.

“It’s just a kiss? Why do people make such a big deal out of kissing? Who thinks that anymore?” he asks genuinely.

“Plenty of people, Gabe!”

“I really didn’t peg you as the type to care much about that, you told me you hooked up with tons of girls in high school!” Gabriel says, turning around and reaching for a bottle floating in the cooler. Even if the water wasn’t cold, he was still thirsty. He doesn't care much that the water is warm. 

“You’re different from that!” Alex interjects

“How so?” Gabriel asks, cocking his head unscrewing the cap from the bottle, “It’d be just as casual as kissing any of them.”

“I dunno! It just would, it’d be..” Alex pauses, trying his damndest to get the words out and it suddenly becomes really difficult when Gabriel pulls away from his water bottle and his lips are wet, and glossy looking and he has to turn away to concentrate. He suddenly wonders why he’s passing up the opportunity to even kiss Gabriel. He’s wanted to for months on several occasions, and Gabe is right, he’s kissed tons of girls.

“I guess.. It wouldn’t, though.” Alex suddenly finishes, clearing his throat, wiping his sweaty palms against his jeans and avoiding eye contact. “Be that different, I mean.”

Gabriel beams, scooting closer, “Yeah? So, what’re you thinking?”

Alex isn’t really surprised about Gabriel being this persistent, this is just like him, but god if it isn’t daunting “We could, I guess, if you don’t care.”

Gabriel looks almost like he’s bouncing in his seat on the porch before scooting closer, their shoulders touching. “Well pucker up, whenever you’re ready.”

“Y-yeah, ok..”

For a second, Alex thinks he can’t do this. If he does he’s going to actually explode. He’s convinced his very own body will combust from the inside out. Gabriel smells like sweat and the earth, and the scent fills up Alex’s head, making him dizzy. They’re so close he can feel the warmth of the other man’s breath on his lips, and he can even see the incredibly faint shadow his eyelashes cast across his freckled cheeks. He has a face that’s all eyes; lurid, green eyes. Alex doesn’t want to believe they’re real; no one has green eyes that bright. They’re fake, and half because it means that he doesn’t have to acknowledge what he’s actually thinking - that he’s not real, that he’s not sitting in front of his best friend, whom he’s in love with and about to kiss him.

He does eventually though, and it’s like his, and most people’s first kiss, kind of sloppy, clumsy, but perfect. Gabriel has lips like a pillow which doesn’t surprise Alex because Gabriel is just the kind of asshole to carry around chapstick at all times and apply it religiously, but probably some stupid flavored kind. They move a little against each other. Alex’s tongue slips past his lips once, and their teeth bump together which makes Alex cringe. He thinks he’s for sure ruined the moment before Gabriel pushes back smiling into the kiss, the farmer holding back a laugh that bubbles out of his mouth before going right back to kissing.

They have to pull away eventually though, and sure enough Alex licks his lips and there’s some kind of flavored balm leftover. He thinks it’s strawberry. Gabriel is beaming and Alex can’t help smiling either, he’s never enjoyed a kiss this much in his life.

“So?” Gabriel asks, waiting.

“It was good. Really good.”

“Really? I dunno.” Gabriel shrugs, and Alex instantly frowns. “I think we need to do it a LOT more, just so you can be EXTRA sure.”

They grin again, lean in and continue, uncomfortable and sweaty on a porch, both desperately in need of a shower and air conditioning, but Alex still thinks it’s the best time he’s ever had kissing anyone.

**Author's Note:**

> just a disclaimer, no i do not think someone automatically knows theyre gay after kissing someone of the same sex, i just thought this would be a cute fic idea  
> it's funny bc when i picked alex to marry way back when i did it as a joke and made him marry my male player bc i thought it would be funny to see alex with him, but then it turned into an oc, a million fic ideas, and this angsty headcanon that alex has a lot of internalized homophobia, and now gabe and alex have 2 kids and i have 300 hours of game play on that file oops  
> gabe probably wears lip smackers btw


End file.
